Six Behaviors That Increase Self-Esteem

by Denis Waitley (excerpted from The Psychology of Motivation)

Following are six behaviors that increase self-esteem, enhance yourself-confidence, and spur your motivation. You may recognize some of them asthings you naturally do in your interactions with other people. But if youdon't, I suggest you motivate yourself to take some of these important stepsimmediately.

First, greet others with a smile and look them directly in the eye. A smileand direct eye contact convey confidence born of self-respect. In the sameway, answer the phone pleasantly whether at work or at home, and whenplacing a call, give your name before asking to speak to the party you wantto reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with self-respectis making the call.

Second, always show real appreciation for a gift or complement. Don'tdownplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. Theability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solidself-esteem.

Third, don't brag. It's almost a paradox that genuine modesty is actuallypart of the capacity to gracefully receive compliments. People who bragabout their own exploits or demand special attention are simply trying tobuild themselves up in the eyes of others - and that's because they don'tperceive themselves as already worthy of respect.Fourth, don't make your problems the centerpiece of your conversation. Talkpositively about your life and the progress you're trying to make. Be awareof any negative thinking, and take notice of how often you complain. Whenyou hear yourself criticize someone - and this includes self-criticism -find a way to be helpful instead of critical.

Fifth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by increasing yourlevel of productive activity. When your self-esteem is being challenged,don't sit around and fall victim to "paralysis by analysis." The lateMalcolm Forbes said, "Vehicles in motion use their generators to chargetheir own batteries. Unless you happen to be a golf cart, you can't rechargeyour battery when you're parked in the garage!"

Sixth, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn. Viewa failure as the conclusion of one performance, not the end of your entirecareer. Own up to your shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as afailure. A failure may be something you have done - and it may even besomething you'll have to do again on the way to success - but a failure isdefinitely not something you are.

Even if you're at a point where you're feeling very negatively aboutyourself, be aware that you're now ideally positioned to make rapid anddramatic improvement. A negative self-evaluation, if it's honest andinsightful, takes much more courage and character than the self-delusionsthat underlie arrogance and conceit. I've seen the truth of this proven manytimes in my work with athletes. After an extremely poor performance, a teamor an individual athlete often does much better the next time out,especially when the poor performance was so bad that there was simply no wayto shirk responsibility for it. Disappointment, defeat, and even apparentfailure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so.On the contrary, these undeniably painful experiences can be the solidfoundation on which to build future success.